Tag Archives: healing

A Letter for Those Who Think They Can Mend A Broken Heart

Dear lover,

Confession: I’m not broken, but my heart is beat THEE f*** up.

For most of my adult life, I thought I could save people. If I just loved them a bit harder, proved that I was worthy and that my being was a safe place for them to be their full and complete self, my mate would eventually grant me the love that I deserved.

In other words, I was just like you and for a very long time.

I’ve loved broken people to a fault, and that is what damn near broke me. I thought that I could—in some way—mend my mate’s broken heart by earning their trust. But honestly, I’m lucky to be still standing tall in the battle of love with simply a few dozen bruises.

Bitter Ass Truth: You CANNOT mend a broken heart, unless it belongs to you. Otherwise, there is nothing you can do to get someone to see that you’re “not like the rest.” You cannot break down the walls and defense mechanisms of a person who simply does not wish to grant you permission to fully access their heart. And you should not have to.

Broken people are beyond hurt and disappointed. You can get over that. They are distrustful of you and most of all, of their own judgment. They’ve been hurt time and time again and do not know when to distinguish danger from safety. They treat everyone the same, despite you being different and worthy. It doesn’t matter how many hoops you jump through, until they wish to heal themselves, they will not see your worth fully. They won’t see who you are—your soul—in its full capacity.

And you will crumble to pieces while attempting to try to love them.

Love is not a damn battlefield. Life is hard enough, so the one who has your heart should KNOW to cherish it, be careful with it and most importantly, be your support and PEACE. You should never ever feel like you are sleeping with the enemy or worse, a damaged ass charity case.

There is absolutely no room for a tug of war when you are building your life with the right person. While there will undoubtedly be roadblocks and disagreements, whether or not you have your mate’s heart certainly should not be up for debate. Just sayin.’

To those who are broken, may you seek to heal one day. Invite love into your life and realize that you are worthy.

To those who are attempting to love someone who is broken, allow God to free you from bondage and the eternal cycle of not feeling good enough. You are …so allow someone to appreciate you in the way that you deserve by giving you the love that you wholeheartedly deserve. Work to allow yourself to grant this to yourself.

Remember, if you are truly the prize, then there is no competition. Not even pain and heartbreak will be able to give you a run for your money. Take heed and act accordingly.

Written in love and light,

Shantell

 

 

 

 

Iyanla Vanzant Challenges Us to ‘Get Over It’

New York Times best selling author, Iyanla Vanzant, knows a thing or two about struggle. For years, the spiritual coach, former kindergarten teacher and criminal justice lawyer faced struggles from just about everyone she sought to serve during her professional career …not to mention her own. Continue reading Iyanla Vanzant Challenges Us to ‘Get Over It’

Fear Is A Liar: 3 Ways to Break Free

Excuse my French, but fear is a muthaf*****.

Beyond its paralyzing ability to stop us from living a full and rich life dead in our tracks, it is ridiculously convincing. But Michael Jordan was on to something when he said, “Limits like fear is often an illusion.”

Here are three ways to give fear the boot and reclaim your life. Continue reading Fear Is A Liar: 3 Ways to Break Free

Why Those Who Scream, ‘F*** Love’ Need it Most

Confession.

Every time my heart gets broken, the first thing I do is commit to taking a break from romance. I don’t want to think about the likelihood of having to entertain someone else and most importantly, I don’t want to have to deal with the possibility of getting hurt again. In other words, I scream, “F*** love” in full-range falsetto and throw myself into my work. Continue reading Why Those Who Scream, ‘F*** Love’ Need it Most

Want Love? Cure Your Dysfunction

BL_couple_original_5380“He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened.” – Lao Tzu

I was talking to a buddy of mine who is in an unfulfilling relationship recently. Actually, it’s pretty terrible. There’s simply no other way to put it. He’s a great guy, but the woman who he has consciously decided to couple up with is pretty much one of the most toxic individuals I’ve ever met. Continue reading Want Love? Cure Your Dysfunction