All posts by Shantell

I'm a curious writer, radio host and producer. Besides all of that I'm fascinated with love, romance, fun, laughter and intellectual thought provoking actions and conversation.
love and relationships

Sign Language: 5 Characteristics That Make Geminis Wonderful

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Gemini season (May 21-June 21) is upon us and while folks are busy repping how much better their sign is than the other 11 (yawn), I, the Sexy Sagittarius (smirk), have decided to be more diplomatic. No sign is better than the rest. The elements and distribution of strengths in certain areas won’t allow that.

In honor of Gemini season and to simply not contribute to the hate and division that irks my soul, here are five reasons why they are wonderful, particularly why you might want to consider dating one.

Don’t worry, Cancer, Leo, Virgo and so forth will be bragged about during their appropriate astrological season.

1) They are sensual.

The Gemini man or woman usually enjoys love making (some would argue too much due to the fact that they’re prone to infidelity), but if you decide to connect with this seductive air sign in this way, you are in for a treat. Perhaps being sandwiched between Taurus and Cancer (two of the most sensual signs of the zodiac) has rubbed off on them, but I’m not complaining ;).

2) They are critical thinkers.

While prone to materialism and the influence of public opinion, at their core, the Gemini thinks critically and deeply about a variety of subjects. While they may come off as a bit disconnected on the surface due to the element of air, these folks aren’t afraid to go further in their brains to think beyond the what’s presented. The catch? They have to give a damn to do so.

3) They are deliberate.

Now this is borderline manipulation which is never good when it comes to other people, but the Gemini man or woman’s intuitive nature to be calculated does serve a positive purpose if used for good. These folks are great to have when you need assistance solving a professional problem, but usually, when it comes to matters of the heart, be careful LOL.

4) They value family and friendship.

If a Gemini considers you to be an actual friend, they mean it. Keyword: ACTUAL. I’m not talking about that bullshit phoniness that they tend to dish out from time to time. If you are a solid friend you will know it beyond words, but action. There are certain lines they will never cross. As for family, the Gemini loves their immediate family members and will certainly take care of and actively seek to positively influence the minds of their children.

5) They are usually openminded.

The Gemini man or woman loves to hear differing perspectives. They’re one of the more rational signs of the zodiac, but because of this, when they become super emotional about something, they often struggle with reason or rationale for a brief period. But most of the time they are stable in their rationality, hence making them more susceptible to differing opinions.

 

 

love and relationships

The Truth About Those ‘Walls’ You Built to Protect Your Heart

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If I have to pay for someone else’s mistakes, then I’m not buying.

People rationalize all kinds of ridiculous behavior motivated by fear on a regular basis. The main excuse for not being willing to love someone freely and openly is, “I’ve been hurt before.” Continue reading The Truth About Those ‘Walls’ You Built to Protect Your Heart →

love and relationships

People Prefer Projects Over Real Love

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It has never been clearer to me: people crave love, but do not know how to receive it. They simply aren’t willing to do the necessary work to change their circumstance either.

Instead, people opt for “projects” as opposed to a genuine, loving, passionate partner who they have an authentic soul-stirring bond with. True, this union will have its share of issues, but one thing’s for sure: you won’t question whether you’re with the one who you’re meant to weather the storm with. Just sayin.’

Let’s be real. Meeting someone who is just about everything that you imagined is scary. I mean, you can’t control raw, unfiltered emotion. Plus, if you get what you pray for, then what?

For many, the answered prayer doesn’t mean that the Creator really does well …answer prayers. It also doesn’t mean that you’re deserving of your prayers being answered. God forbid that be the case (eye roll). It simply means that you’d have to find another thing to hope, stress, sulk and pray for.

So remaining content in your dysfunction masked as “love” is the only option. Forget the fact that your union is really dependence …not to mention a damn struggle. You’re committed to the relationship. You have someone who needs you.

Instead of actually allowing yourself to be blessed with someone who we are worthy of and who gives us butterflies (yes, fairytales do f***ing exist), many of us opt for projects. We would rather expel our energy on “fixing someone,” “not letting all of our hard work go to waste” or “overcoming” some dumb ass obstacle (or twelve) than truly being happy. We’ve been conditioned to “struggle” so we “know it’s real” and to be “needed” instead of loved, adored and cherished without dependence. We cannot expect to fully be happy because the other shoe is bound to drop, right?

Those who choose projects over love aren’t simply fulfilling a need for someone else, they’re creating dependency on the relationship and circumstance due to their own shortcomings/insecurities. The need to be needed is the glue that keeps you together, which is weak and more importantly, fake love.

With that kind of glue, how can a person ever know that they’re with someone who truly loves them for them, versus someone who loves what is done for them?

I wonder if getting out of your own way seems too “real.” Hmmm.

I don’t know about you, but I’m saying no to fake love in 2018 …and beyond.

love and relationships

A Letter for Those Who Think They Can Mend A Broken Heart

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Dear lover,

Confession: I’m not broken, but my heart is beat THEE f*** up.

For most of my adult life, I thought I could save people. If I just loved them a bit harder, proved that I was worthy and that my being was a safe place for them to be their full and complete self, my mate would eventually grant me the love that I deserved.

In other words, I was just like you and for a very long time.

I’ve loved broken people to a fault, and that is what damn near broke me. I thought that I could—in some way—mend my mate’s broken heart by earning their trust. But honestly, I’m lucky to be still standing tall in the battle of love with simply a few dozen bruises.

Bitter Ass Truth: You CANNOT mend a broken heart, unless it belongs to you. Otherwise, there is nothing you can do to get someone to see that you’re “not like the rest.” You cannot break down the walls and defense mechanisms of a person who simply does not wish to grant you permission to fully access their heart. And you should not have to.

Broken people are beyond hurt and disappointed. You can get over that. They are distrustful of you and most of all, of their own judgment. They’ve been hurt time and time again and do not know when to distinguish danger from safety. They treat everyone the same, despite you being different and worthy. It doesn’t matter how many hoops you jump through, until they wish to heal themselves, they will not see your worth fully. They won’t see who you are—your soul—in its full capacity.

And you will crumble to pieces while attempting to try to love them.

Love is not a damn battlefield. Life is hard enough, so the one who has your heart should KNOW to cherish it, be careful with it and most importantly, be your support and PEACE. You should never ever feel like you are sleeping with the enemy or worse, a damaged ass charity case.

There is absolutely no room for a tug of war when you are building your life with the right person. While there will undoubtedly be roadblocks and disagreements, whether or not you have your mate’s heart certainly should not be up for debate. Just sayin.’

To those who are broken, may you seek to heal one day. Invite love into your life and realize that you are worthy.

To those who are attempting to love someone who is broken, allow God to free you from bondage and the eternal cycle of not feeling good enough. You are …so allow someone to appreciate you in the way that you deserve by giving you the love that you wholeheartedly deserve. Work to allow yourself to grant this to yourself.

Remember, if you are truly the prize, then there is no competition. Not even pain and heartbreak will be able to give you a run for your money. Take heed and act accordingly.

Written in love and light,

Shantell

 

 

 

 

love and relationships

No, A Relationship Will Not Keep You Faithful

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Let’s talk about titles and fidelity. Too many people have crossed my path over the years who possess the notion that once they become committed in any way to someone, whether via monogamous relationship or marriage, that they will magically become faithful. It is as if there’s some switch that will turn off their cheating ways.

While I am sure that would be quite beneficial to everyone, no such a switch exist. Sorry.

I get that there is a certain level of seriousness that comes with commitment, but I am here to tell you that no matter how much you want to believe that a title will change your behavior, it won’t.

Don’t make me go to my inbox, but let’s just say that a ton of thirsty and very outwardly committed folks are lucky it isn’t my style to be messy and put folks on blast. Just sayin.’

Anyway, I hear tons of people say, “I do what I do, but once I get married it will all stop.”

Ninja please!

A person will only cease to be unfaithful when they want to, i.e. when he or she decides to value monogamy completely on their own and not because you have a ring on their finger.

Many folks believe that all of their problems will be magically solved once they say, “I do.” While marriage undoubtedly isn’t an action that should be taken lightly, its societal requirements and assumed obligations are honestly limited to those who are either super religious, have strong morals regarding honoring promises and their word or to those who do not wish to give up half. Hell, even those who fall into the above mentioned categories struggle with temptation. We all do. What stops someone from giving in to the forbidden fruit is simply their choice not to do so.

When a person decides to fully commit to someone — not just on paper and/or social media— they will do so no matter what stage in the relationship they’re at. It doesn’t matter if they’re dating, exclusively dating, in a relationship, engaged, etc. If a person is simply not prone to cheat, they won’t. Marriage and other forms of monogamous commitment should be an enhancement to your relationship, not a mandate for fidelity.

Some folks don’t even believe in traditional monogamy and are married. So to place that much weight on marriage wouldn’t even be accurate as people are defining their own unions.

By no means am I making the other party out to be a victim. When you decide to stay, you are accepting such treatment and an illogical way of thinking. We all have a choice, but folks are good at making us forget.

I know a ton of people who got married for the wrong reasons. That, in itself, explains their lack of commitment to fidelity. They cheated throughout the entire duration of their relationship, bruised their mate’s heart for several years and broke them down to pratically nothing from an emotional standpoint (sometimes physical), only to pacify their wounds with a ring and more empty promises.

Moral: If he or she is a consistent cheater, please do not expect a commitment of any kind to change that reality. Understand that he or she must do so on their own and buy in, like most things in life, to the concept of fidelity in order to experience even marginal success.