I’d like to start off by stating that this post is strictly to inform and to share clues of determining who is offering constructive criticism and who is just plain negative. Lately I’ve either observed, was told about or have been involved in a series of instances where people are judging and blaming others for their shortcomings. You know that “friend” who always wants to talk ish about you and what you need to do but their life is in shambles? Or that coworker, significant other or parent that insist on personally letting you know how much you need to improve. This clearly isn’t anything new and I’m sure these types of people who “mean well” have been around since the discovery of black pepper. It’s important to note that I’m not referring to those who genuinely have your best interest at heart. I’m talking about those who are described on the street as “haters.”
Being the type of person that tries to find the positive in everything, it took me awhile to realize how true of a concept this is; even longer to realize that I myself had haters. I always thought that famous people were the only ones that were susceptible to this backlash, but in fact I would venture to say that everyone has at least one anti-cheerleader. The very moment that I decided to not just talk about my dreams but actively pursue them, the haters revealed themselves. It seemed like some people always had something negative to say about what I was doing. “She ain’t all that. I don’t understand why she gets so much traffic” or “who let this fool do this…etc?” Questioning one’s status and why they may have a backing is one thing. Finding reasons to undermine and belittle their hustle is another. Here’s a couple of clues that I’ve picked up along to way to help me determine who’s in my corner and who’s just a plain ole hater.
They Purposefully Seek Out the Negative Instead of the Positive
You ever met somebody that always seems to dwell on the negative no matter how many positive things are present in a situation? They are bitter and unhappy, and want to bring you down with them. These individuals constantly remind you of where you’re NOT (because they themselves are not where they want to be), despite celebrating where your no longer ARE. To be very frank, they’re bloodsuckers and will mask their “hate” as constructive criticism. I usually tune these types of people out because it’s so easy to get sucked into the realm of hate and negativity with them.
You Realize They Don’t Just Hate on You, But Also Others Who Are Pursuing Their Dreams
Not everyone’s going to like what you do, or you for that matter. It’s just plain true. So if you’re in the presence of a hater, they won’t limit their “hate” to just you. They will seek to hate on anyone who they or others perceive as doing better than them, especially those who are taking similar risks and garnering similar results as you.
They talk About It, But Don’t Be About It…At All!
Another key trait of a hater, is that in addition to dissing others, they talk about how they could be so much better at doing what the person they’re hating on is doing IF they had the same opportunities (many cases they do). Instead of focusing on self-improvement, they choose to spew negativity about someone else. If they put as much effort into themselves and achieving their goals, they probably wouldn’t have to hate because they’d be spending so much time celebrating their own accomplishments! See, the thing about haters is that they don’t really hate you or what you represent. They envy you because they want to possess characteristics that you have. Plus they’re intimidated. Those who hate on you usually fear your success because they themselves don’t have enough faith that they can accomplish what you either have or are seeking to. They see you as a threat and it can be more convenient to place blame on you instead of taking a hard look in the mirror and accessing why they are not in a particular place in their lives. Don’t hate haters, have compassion for them. Recognize that it’s a form of flattery, but don’t entertain it. Don’t waste energy calling them out on it or addressing their hateristic remarks. The best way the combat haterism is to identify it, ignore it and align yourself with like-minded, positive individuals who are just too busy beings successful to hate.
Haters Are Often in Denial About Their Haterism
The thing about haters is that they don’t even realize when they’re doing it. They really think that they’re objectively questioning and accessing the success of the individual who they are hating on. Their opinions, thoughts and actions are completely justified in their minds. This is very helpful if you suspect that you are in the presence of a hater. They either lack self awareness or choose to ignore it. The quest to repel negative energy doesn’t have to be a tough task, if we the positive, self-aware individuals take the time to notice a hater before it’s too late.