Tag Archives: happiness

Ask Shan Tell’em: Hopeless, Yet Hopeful in Love

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Dear Shan Tell’em,

I was dating a woman that I’ve had a crush on since high school who surprisingly enough, had been eyeing me too. We’re both single parents and broken from past relationships. She’s changed me dramatically in the time that I’ve been with her. Years ago, a prophet told me that “the woman that forces you to change is the one you will marry.” But she recently decided that she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with me because of my financial and living situation. She’s told me to stop contacting her, but responds when I do. I feel that she’s scared of me being a procrastinating, abusive, deceitful, unreliable, using man like the men she’s dealt with in the past. It has taken a toll on me, because while she is being unreasonable, I know she cares but is too stubborn to work through anything. What do I do?

Signed,

Hopeless, Yet Hopeful in Love

Dear Hopeless,

First of all, I disagree with the “prophet.” No one can ever force you to change. They shouldn’t have to either. While a person’s decision to change can be influenced by another, the act itself comes from within. Anything else is temporary because your heart isn’t in it. You stated that you are both “broken” from past relationships. If that is the case, a breakup was bound to happen. In order to have a successful relationship, you must be ready for one. That means that you have let go of past hurts, at least 80 percent of them, and that you’re emotionally ready for a healthy, long-lasting union. Unfortunately, it sounds like she isn’t ready for that. You might not be either. My recommendation is for you to leave her alone. If she’s running out of fear, then you’ll spend the rest of your time chasing her and explaining why you’re the better man. Life is too short to be dedicating time to that type of mission. If you’re being your authentic self, then she should see that on her own. But if she’s looking through a broken lens, she never will no matter what you do. And you will be miserable.

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Exclusive: The Dream

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As we gather in what is known as the JET War Room at the Johnson Publishing headquarters, The Dream exudes an aura of chill. He’s been traveling for the past few weeks and is quite tired, like anyone with a demanding schedule would be. Dressed in all black with a Contra hat tucked to the back, he casually takes a seat right in front of the JET archives. He seems ready. Ready for the “standard interview.” Ready for the gossip questions. Ready for whatever. Ready. After a few authentic exchanges of words, we get down the why we’re here. We talk about the evolution of The Dream. As an artist, as a producer, as a man. And what fans can expect from his sixth LP, “Crown and Jewel.”

SJ: It’s been a minute. What have you been up to?

The Dream: Just doing my same ole thing. You know writing. Producing. Sangin’.

SJ: So how does it feel to be in the JET/EBONY archives?

The Dream: It feels great. Feels like a lot of people got my back right now.

SJ: I ask that question because I feel like every black person has a memory of the publications. I can’t think of a time when I visited my grandmother and it wasn’t a copy of EBONY and/or JET on her coffee table.

The Dream: Yeah. Even when the JET had like dried up Jheri Curl juice on it back in the ’80s (laughs).

SJ: From Rihanna’s “Umbrella” to Justin Beiber’s “Baby,” you’ve pretty much had a hand in shaping not just the sound of R&B, but pop during the first quarter of the millennium. How did the dream become The Dream?

The Dream: I think it started somewhere around third or fourth grade when I first got into the band. And I know that kids now aren’t introduced to instruments like back in the day. You know they’ve taken instruments out of schools. So for me, I’d have to say that the journey started somewhere in the latter part of the ’80s. You know when I was able to just grab my instrument and just have music as my friend without it being any political gain or any business interests in the music business at all.

SJ: “Music as your friend.” That kind of sounds like you have more of an adult relationship with the craft. It isn’t as innocent. How has being in the industry shaped your perspective on what appears to be a passion of yours?

The Dream: I still put music first. I don’t sell out. I don’t try to change anything that I don’t love. I don’t chase records that don’t sound like me. Being from the South, the church has a lot to do with music period. You have the chittlin’ circuit that used to be like gospel singers that went over to R&B and started singing. Whether it’s Sam Cooke, Otis Redding…it’s like a southern thing to be a part of the church when you’re young and growing up so it’s like a backdrop. I think it was around ’89 or ’90 when we started to understand that [music] was a business other than just showing up on Sundays and being part of the choir. So in the ’90s, I kinda just used what was around me. Atlanta became Motown at that point in time. We were able to kind of be more authentic about the music business per say.

SJ: What do you mean by that?

The Dream: Just to have a hand in on the culture. I mean Atlanta was overlooked. It was New York with this hip-hop thing, it was LA, it was the Midwest because of Motown. The South was just the south nobody said, “Hey I’m from Atlanta. I do music.” But now, most of the writers and all of the trends especially from a hip-hop standpoint, come from Atlanta and in the ’90s you had L.A. Reid move there and then you had TLC that came after that. You had the Dungeon Family. You had all of these things that were going on while I was a teenager that made it authentic. We had real people who went and got Grammys from that stage that was from Atlanta during a time when it was just overlooked.

Read the rest at JET. 

Why You Should Date Someone Who Scares the S*** Out of You, A List

 

download (10)People will say they want true love, stare it right in the face and run the other way. They don’t always run because they are on bulls***, but due to fear. The fear of ACTUALLY being loved the way they should be. The fear of getting what you hoped for and messing it all up. The fear of realizing that everything that you ever wanted in a mate requires one thing: for you to be vulnerable like you never have before.

Continue reading Why You Should Date Someone Who Scares the S*** Out of You, A List

Ask Shan Tell’em: Begging

download (7)Dear Shan Tell’em,

I’ve been in a relationship with my mate for about 4 years now. I started feeling neglected at some point, but I can’t remember when due to being blinded by her actions and just being naive. I felt hurt, and spoke to her about it, but she blew it off as if nothing was happening. Her behavior is becoming extremely cold towards me. I no longer feel the love, as things have not changed. I don’t feel loved despite doing all of the begging and pleading. No matter what I do she is just so distant and doesn’t reciprocate the love and attention that I give her. At what point do you stop asking for cooperation from your mate and just walk away? When do you stop accepting gifts, jewelry or whatever as a form of love?

Signed,

Begging

Dear Begging,

I’m sorry that you’re in this situation. Clearly you’re with someone who isn’t as invested in the relationship as you are. But I have good news. You can always LEAVE. It really sounds like you’re with someone who is taking you for granted. Whenever you talk to your mate about an issue, it should be worked on. Some sort of action plan should be put in place that let’s you know that you’ve been heard and that it is an issue that has their full attention and commitment to changing. I just do not see it in this case.

Whatever the reason, you deserve better. You should never have to beg your mate for anything. When someone assumes that role in your life, they are obligated to add to and enrich it. The end. While four years is a long time to invest in a relationship, it’s also enough time for you to know each other well enough to know when to call it quits. It might be hard, but I think you know in your heart what to do.

Good luck and I wish you the best.

Submit your inquiries to contact@shantelljamison.com.