Want to Find Your Other Half? Be WHOLE First.

It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self love deficit.”—Eartha Kitt

I’ve been thinking about wholeness lately when it comes to relationships. All of us are seeking fulfillment to a degree, and in many instances, it’s from the wrong sources. A lot of us are aware of the concept of wholeness, but we don’t have a full understanding of it. When I talk to people about what it means to feel whole, I often hear, “Finding my other half.”

The desire to find your other half means you’re on the right track in terms of recognizing the need for completion. But there’s a major flaw in the execution, and that’s seeking completion from a source that lies outside of you.

Have you ever met someone who seems to have it all, but is unhappy? Regardless of that great job, the 2.5 kids, the wealth, and the wonderful spouse, they still lack fulfillment. Think of each and every human being as a vessel. When you lack wholeness, you tend to “fill up” from someone or something else that is not of you.

Your soul recognizes the “poison” you’ve injected into your being so to speak, and your lingering sadness (despite not running on empty) is its way of letting you know you’re seeking fulfillment from the wrong sources. No, I’m not calling the person or hobby that you love poison. What I am simply trying to convey is that they shouldn’t be your source of completion. You should arrive whole and complete before you even meet your soulmate.

There are many people out there who don’t feel complete unless they’re with someone else. But this type of “wholeness” is temporary, as they are borrowing from a vessel that may not be complete either. Whenever two incomplete people get together, temporary moments of fulfillment will be present and feelings of wholeness will be there. But ultimately, the two will be exchanging fluids from vessels that are partially full. Think of two cups, one filled with liquid and the other empty. This will result in a transferring of what is already there, adding nothing new to the spirit.

Another instance that happens often is that someone who is whole (meaning they’ve achieved joy, peace, personal fulfillment and purpose from within) can make the mistake of investing in someone who is not whole. When this happens, the whole being will be drained, because s/he is constantly filling up an incomplete vessel.

Read the rest at EBONY.