7 Keys to Keeping the Flame Alive

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You two lock eyes and the chemistry is undeniable. She’s exactly what you’ve been missing and he couldn’t be more perfect for you if he tried. You grow close, eventually becoming inseparable. So much to the point that your friends refer to you as your own type of “Kimye.” This is going to last forever. But it isn’t. The flame that once was is all a distant memory now. When she comes in from work, she heads straight to the kitchen and you don’t even budge. Hell, she’s lucky if you even glance away from the TV screen to greet her from a hard day’s work. You still love each other, but the passion is almost non-existent. Life has damn near extinguished it. This is what happens when you’ve been together for awhile and that’s just how things are. No the hell it isn’t and it doesn’t have to be.

One of the most common misconceptions about relationships is that they will be effortless once you find the right person. This entire other being is just supposed to know what to do to make you happy and be up for the challenge at all times. The only “work” would be finding the one whom you’re supposed to be with. This type of thinking is why people leave too soon. Everything takes work, and in order for a relationship to maintain its youthfulness you have to invest more than time, years and commitment on paper. Here are seven keys to resuscitate your love life.

1. Find One Thing That You Appreciate About Your Mate & Show Them Why

One day my mom came in with some stir fry for dinner when I was living with my parents a few years back. I told her how good it was and guess what? She went and bought six more bags of that stir fry. While I was thankful for her thoughtfulness and attention to detail, I was stir-fried out! In love, positive reinforcement works much like the above example. When you actively show appreciation for your mate and his or her actions, it makes them want to do more of whatever it is that you enjoy about them. Find one thing about your significant other that you like and don’t just tell them, but show them. Return the favor by doing something for them that they will enjoy. By doing so, you increase the likelihood of them continuing to exemplify actions and behaviors that make you happy. Your reciprocity also fosters a level of intimacy that might be missing at this stage in the relationship.

2. Verbalize When Things Seem to be Going Downhill

More than likely, one of you will notice that you’re not spending as much time together anymore. Speak up! Staying silent when you feel like things are going wayward is one of the most damaging things you can do for your relationship. Your mate is the one person who you should be able to be raw and authentic with. If you notice that you haven’t had sex in months, the only way to find out what is going on is to say something. By verbalizing differences in your relationship that are unappealing, you are allowing yourself the opportunity to rectify the situation before it enters irreparable territory.

3. Kiss, Often

I’m not exactly sure why this happens, but once you are well into a relationship it seems like the kissing slows down, and that’s IF it doesn’t disappear altogether. You walk out the door as you’re headed to work and all you do is wave to your man/woman on the couch. The last time that I checked, kissing was a phenomenal thing! Yes, sex is a way to ultimately connect physically, but it can be mechanical. Kissing, on the other hand, is a very intimate act. If you’re in a rush, a simple peck before heading to that meeting can do wonders. Just make out on the couch one day, or while slow dancing on the dance floor. These types of moments remind us why we fell in love. Never allow the pressures of life to steal them away.

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