Let me first start by saying the term, “level” is subjective. We are constantly evolving and by no means do I expect anyone to change and embrace evolution at the same speed or wavelength as their partner. What I will say is that in order to have a successful relationship, there are a few main things that you should absolutely be aligned with your partner about in order to progress.
For example, many relationships tend to fail because individuals are constantly choosing mates who do not want the same things as they do. For example, if you are the relationship type, and ultimately know that you want a relationship, there is no reason why you should be romantically entertaining someone who is dating for sport. It isn’t to say that people cannot change, but when you are successfully attempting to date someone on your level, you must be careful not to fall in love with their potential, Instead, focus on realizing who and where they are currently at the time of your involvement with them.
When you fall in love with someone’s potential, you have the tendency to ignore what is being presented right in front of you. You are not falling in love with the person at all, but who they could possibly become and usually, unless they have expressed that they wish to become your potential mate, you are setting yourself up for failure by ignoring all of the signs that this person is NOT where you wish for them to be right now, and honestly, there’s a good chance that they never will be.
Here are a few examples of dating at your level.
You both want a relationship.
You both do not want a relationship.
You both are dating with the intent to marry/have a serious commitment.
You both are interested in dating with the intent to have children.
You are both actively looking for your life partner.
You are both looking for a non-committed relationship (i.e, no strings attached).
You are both OK with wanting a relationship (eventually), but right now you are simply looking for companionship or to have fun.
You both are cool with asking no questions about each other’s whereabouts.
Meeting each other’s family/close friends is not important to EITHER of you.
So what happens when you do not date someone who is on the same page as you?
In addition to growing feelings, false hope and a wave of ridiculous arguments and misunderstandings, you are vastly settling for just part of what someone is willing to give you. In essence, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and ultimately, failure in love.
When you date someone with the same preferences as you, you ultimately have the same expectations out of the relationship. Your standards are automatically met, and there will be no push and pull when you are supposed to be either building with someone who is on the same page as you, or simply enjoying the company of a FWB.
Understand that love is NOT pain or struggle. It isn’t a walk in the park, but you should never continuously wonder if your mate truly wants to be with you. Life is short and in love, there is no “eventually.” We just do not have that kind of time.
If you happen to be in love with someone who just isn’t on the same page as you, the best thing that you can do is to let them go. They’ve got some growing to do and maybe …just maybe …they will catch up to you at some point. If not, then trust that you will gladly find someone who is on the same page as you are and who wants what you want, so wish them the same fate.
Thank you John.