Love Advice: Dear Kindhearted, This One’s For You

“The energy of the mind is the essence of life.” – Aristotle

I was catching up with a friend recently and of course the topic of dating came up. Actually, we talked about relationships in general—friendships, family life, our relationship with self. See, this particular friend is a “well.” You know …the person that many people come to for “replenishing,” only to go back into the world to become thirsty again.

Everyone who has processed most of their trauma in a healthy way is a well. If you’ve genuinely committed to dealing with your sh*t, can easily apologize for and have aimed to correct problematic behavior within yourself, and do not willfully hold on to past pain, you’re either a well or on your way to being one.

In other words, you’ve arrived or will very soon.

Dealing with your sh*t comes with a lot of perks. A sense of calm during the storm, peace (most of the time), an optimistic outlook on life that many will say is borderline unrealistic, and an unwavering sense of certainty that you are deserving of all of the goodness that’s coming your way. Most importantly, consistent love for yourself, as well as a belief that everything is working for your good.

Self improvement takes a lot of commitment, consistency, and belief in oneself. It also takes a level of seriousness and determination that most people don’t want to give. So when someone does commit to self in a healthy way, it’s attractive as f*ck. Enter being a well.

Let’s take a look at the functionality of a well real quick. Wells are essentially holes that get their water supply from the earth. Layers of rock and soil contain water, and if the well taps into the source deep enough, it can produce an abundance of water. The water, appropriately referred to as “groundwater” (people who practice self work are usually grounded mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) is often unlimited in supply, but can temporarily run dry.

Wells will attract all kinds of people. They will want to be around you because you make them feel good, and will come to you for “replenishment.” But eventually, if these people are simply taking from your well and not interested in maintaining its upkeep, it will run dry no matter the source.

Back to the convo with my friend:

“Shantell, if we are the wells that people come to, who do we go to? Who replenishes us?”

Good question, homie. The thing about wells is that they are connected to streams. Think of the streams as God, Jesus, The Creator, The Universe, faith, whatever you want to refer to “IT” as. When you have a mindset of abundance, it is impossible for your well to truly run dry, because you are grounded by the Most High. But you will become drained.

Although you may be connected to an endless supply of groundwater, be mindful of who you are allowing to “drink” from your well. Are they sticking around to ensure that you’re good? Or is it just a one-way street?

Moral: While you may have an endless supply of water, make sure that you’re only allowing the worthy to drink from your well.