You can always tell that someone is seriously interested in you when they express a consistent desire to get to know you. They want to know as much as possible and will ask you about a million questions. They will aim to spend time with you and pay attention to what it is that you’ve told them that you like, and provide it for you. It’s sweet really, but sometimes we can take the inquisitiveness too far.
Many of us are dead set on the notion that we must know EVERYTHING about the person that we’re with. While it is great to know their favorite food, color, birthday, and that they like to walk around in Spongebob socks after a stressful day, knowing too much about your mate is just plain unrealistic.
It’s simply impossible to know everything about yourself let alone another person. If you’re doing life right, chances are you’ve had some unexpected obstacles thrown into your path. They’ve stretched and challenged who you are as a person and undoubtedly you walked away a little bit different. Because we’re ever-evolving creatures, there’s no way that we can know all that there is to know about someone. In fact, relationships often act as birthplaces of self-discovery.
Think about it. Each person who you’ve seriously been with has changed you to some degree. Whether or not it was for the good or bad depends on your outlook, but we cannot deny that they’ve left an emotional imprint on the way that you view love. You faced challenges together, but it affected you in different ways. You discovered something about yourself, even if it was simply how you react to a certain type of conflict or situation. So even if you told them everything about yourself, it would only be what you knew up until the point of the conversation.
Holding on to the idea that you must know everything about a person can actually be detrimental to your relationship. Once you’ve discovered that they’re not who you thought they were, you’ll experience feelings of hurt and disappointment. The disappointment doesn’t always come from some drastic violation of the commitment that you’ve set up either. It can be as simple as your mate making a decision that is different from yours.
The couple that comes to see the beauty in the unknown will set themselves up for a welcoming embrace of change and an enriched relationship. I’m not talking about your partner spontaneously bringing a third person home for sex (unless that’s your thing). What I mean is that by releasing the idea of HAVING to know everything about your mate, you allow for them to freely grow and share at their disposal. Putting pressure on your significant other to divulge certain things about their life for the sake of just simply wanting to be aware is detrimental to the trust that is built between you two over time.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to know as much as you can about your mate. Information sets you up for success, and if you’re serious about commitment it just makes sense. But allow the discovery of “knowing” to include change, evolution and blind faith to a degree. Instead, aim to know your mate well enough to the point of being able to trust them, buy awesome presents and make them smile. Know when something is wrong with them, but don’t force them to talk about it. In great relationships you won’t have to do much forcing anyway.
Is there a such thing as knowing too much about your mate? What’s something that you just would rather not know about your significant other?
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I think people want to know other people very well to protect themselves and their insecurities.
I can see that, and at the root of them wanting to know is fear. I’d like us all to break away from that.
That would ne nice. It is a natural response to hurt.
Natural? Nah. Reactionary and expected? Yes. Unfortunately, we’ve been conditioned to accept and react in negative ways due to the pain that we experience. I hope that folks become more conscious of that and adjust. Thanks for commenting and reading!