Ask Shan Tell’em: Frustrated and Horny

 

download (18)Dear Shan Tell’em,

I have a girlfriend. We’ve been together for 3 years and she’s my best friend and I do love her. But I’m not sure if she feels the same way. Her affection is not what it used to be and now our bed is only for sleeping. I try to start something up, but it never turns into anything. We kiss and we start, but she ends up doing something else. Like doing the laundry something else lol.

She has never had a high sex drive like me. I respected that and have trained myself to go with the flow when we both can get on the same page. But now there’s no sex at all. I know this is crazy, but I’m contemplating having a friend who can give that benefit. It’s been almost a year since we had sex and we have gotten into arguments, but she says it’s nobody and she still loves me. I can’t sweat her, but I don’t know how I can be with someone who won’t even try to have sex with me. I can’t force her just because we’re in a relationship you know? I plan to be open about it, but I feel wrong. Is it wrong that I feel that she’s wrong for not having sex with me?

Signed,

Frustrated and Horny

Dear Frustrated and Horny,

I’m sorry that you’re in this predicament. Given what I’ve been presented, I’d say that you are not wrong for the way that you feel. Unless a sexless relationship was what you guys agreed to in the beginning, it isn’t uncommon to expect sex from your mate.

Where you drop the ball at is by entertaining thoughts of sleeping with another woman. I question the validity of this “friend” who is offering to bang you while you’re attached. Real friends would encourage you to try to work it out with your girlfriend, or hit the road because you’re unhappy. It sounds like your girlfriend is being incredibly selfish by not having sex with you, but before I arrive at that conclusion I have a few more questions of my own. Sex in a relationship is known to slow down, but for you to go almost a year without it is a serious red flag. Did something happen to make you guys stop having sex? Did you cheat on her? Is she on some type of medication that lowers her libido? How are other areas of your relationship? I don’t want to jump to conclusions and say that she’s dipping out on you, but something is definitely up.

While she has communicated her love for you, actions always speak louder than words. Right now, she dictates your intimacy. No one wants to feel like they’re begging their mate for sex, but that’s what it feels like when you’re constantly being denied. If you stop attempting to have sex with your girlfriend then it won’t happen. You’re in a lose-lose situation. Whatever you do, do not cheat or tell your girlfriend that you’re entertaining the idea of sleeping with someone else. Try communicating again to her how important it is for you two to connect intimately. Tell her how much you miss being with her in that way. If she refuses to change, then I highly suggest that you think about whether or not you can deal with a sexless relationship.  

Good luck and I wish you the best.

Submit your inquiries to contact@shantelljamison.com

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