Dear Shan Tell’em,
Last year around November, I started dating a guy who I went to high school with. We had a huge falling out and did not speak for about two months. Three weeks ago, we started speaking again, but shortly after, he told me that he couldn’t love me in that way anymore. I feel like he is playing games because we were so close and could talk about anything. I’m so mad at him right now. I haven’t been that close to anyone like that in years. I didn’t even have that type of connection with my own husband. I feel like I will never ever get my happily ever after. What’s your advice?
Unhappily Ever After
Dear Unhappily Ever After,
While I realize that you feel a deep connection to this man, it is best to let him go for the moment. From the way that you two seem to handle conflict, it’s obvious that this isn’t a match made in heaven. I’m not sure as to what led you to have a “huge falling out,” but not speaking for a number of months is not the way to resolve issues when you really care about someone. Yes, sometimes it’s best to take time to process things so that you can return to the situation with a clear mind and level head. This does not seem like what is happening here. In fact, it sounds like you’re dealing with someone who is either confused, manipulative, or both.
I’d also challenge you to rethink the connection that you feel. Is it really a deep, authentic love or are you just vulnerable? To say that you had a deeper connection with him than your husband is kind of a big deal. I’m saying it isn’t true, but you should really explore why you felt so drawn to him. Either way, it seems like it’s one-sided. You seem to be all-in, and frankly, he’s gone. That speaks volumes.
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