Let’s talk about titles and fidelity. Too many people have crossed my path over the years who possess the notion that once they become committed in any way to someone, whether via monogamous relationship or marriage, that they will magically become faithful. It is as if there’s some switch that will turn off their cheating ways.
While I am sure that would be quite beneficial to everyone, no such a switch exist. Sorry.
I get that there is a certain level of seriousness that comes with commitment, but I am here to tell you that no matter how much you want to believe that a title will change your behavior, it won’t.
Don’t make me go to my inbox, but let’s just say that a ton of thirsty and very outwardly committed folks are lucky it isn’t my style to be messy and put folks on blast. Just sayin.’
Anyway, I hear tons of people say, “I do what I do, but once I get married it will all stop.”
A person will only cease to be unfaithful when they want to, i.e. when he or she decides to value monogamy completely on their own and not because you have a ring on their finger.
Many folks believe that all of their problems will be magically solved once they say, “I do.” While marriage undoubtedly isn’t an action that should be taken lightly, its societal requirements and assumed obligations are honestly limited to those who are either super religious, have strong morals regarding honoring promises and their word or to those who do not wish to give up half. Hell, even those who fall into the above mentioned categories struggle with temptation. We all do. What stops someone from giving in to the forbidden fruit is simply their choice not to do so.
When a person decides to fully commit to someone — not just on paper and/or social media— they will do so no matter what stage in the relationship they’re at. It doesn’t matter if they’re dating, exclusively dating, in a relationship, engaged, etc. If a person is simply not prone to cheat, they won’t. Marriage and other forms of monogamous commitment should be an enhancement to your relationship, not a mandate for fidelity.
Some folks don’t even believe in traditional monogamy and are married. So to place that much weight on marriage wouldn’t even be accurate as people are defining their own unions.
By no means am I making the other party out to be a victim. When you decide to stay, you are accepting such treatment and an illogical way of thinking. We all have a choice, but folks are good at making us forget.
I know a ton of people who got married for the wrong reasons. That, in itself, explains their lack of commitment to fidelity. They cheated throughout the entire duration of their relationship, bruised their mate’s heart for several years and broke them down to pratically nothing from an emotional standpoint (sometimes physical), only to pacify their wounds with a ring and more empty promises.
Moral: If he or she is a consistent cheater, please do not expect a commitment of any kind to change that reality. Understand that he or she must do so on their own and buy in, like most things in life, to the concept of fidelity in order to experience even marginal success.