You should never have to utter the phrase of this title to your significant other. If you do, then you should highly consider getting…no f**k that …GET another romantic partner.

While marriage may have originally stemmed from origins of ownership—the wedding ring was once a symbol for a woman actually being her husband’s property—that time has come and gone. Despite this reality, people tend to synonymously link being someone’s girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife with possession and ownership.

It ain’t true and more importantly, it ain’t cute.

Too many times have I witnessed in both my own relationships and those of others people willingly claiming possession of an entire human being. While commitment serves as a pathway for us to devote ourselves to another, it is never to be confused with ownership. We don’t even own those who we brought into this world. We are simply just responsible for them until they reach adulthood. so why they hell would we think we own someone we are with?

It is natural to get jealous when someone embarks on your territory. But the minute you start to believe and exercise authority over your mate in an effort to control who they are, you’ve undoubtedly crossed the line and it’s best for you to step on back over.

I hate to burst your bubble but guess what? If you get someone who is worth something, they have lived a long, rich life before you entered the picture and will have one if your relationship does not work out. They are strong, independent and view you as an enhancement to their quality of life.

In other words, they are whole, and you should want them to share their life with you out of sheer desire, not fear and bullying.

Your mate should have a life independent of your relationship. He or she should have friends, hobbies that do not include you and peaceful moments of solitude and relaxation. You or your relationship should not be their world and as a great mate, you should encourage your significant other to live a rich life independent of you. And you should be embracing the same type of autonomy.

In all honesty, autonomy and self growth is one of the biggest secrets to a happy union. You must be able to take time and space apart from each other in order to appreciate what you have and not take it for granted. Otherwise, your mate will not only become obsessed with you and your relationship, but feel empty and incomplete without you. That’s if they don’t resent you for stunting their growth with your controlling ways. These are not the type of attachments that anyone needs.

Love your mate.

Cherish your mate.

Never take him or her for granted.

But for the love of God, do NOT attempt to possess your significant other. It will only end in resentment, pain and a lack of equal effort/emotional vulnerability in your relationship.



  1. Love doesn’t equate to ownership. I agree! No forcing, no dictating, just mutual admiration and respect.

    Great piece!

  2. Totally agree! The partnership shouldnt be one that it forced or one that makes you feel trapped. But, two willing participants committing to one another not solely because of duty but authentic desire. I want to be here not I have to be here. Thats such a suffocating way to live.

  3. Commitment is not ownership. Well said. I’ve experienced this from the other side where I’ve encountered some individuals who seem to desire to be “possessed”. They find some strange comfort in having their partner, basically, own them…mistaking possession for Love. But Love is inherently liberating. I’m attracted to the energy my partner puts out into the world. To become possessive and restrictive of it is to abuse it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s