Looking For Love in All of the Wrong Places…

downloadAt the root of our existence is love. Love of the Creator, love of self, love of others, and love of a companion. We really cannot function without it. I mean we can, but we’d be robots and have a pretty lackluster existence. In fact, the only time someone doesn’t want love is when the hurt that they associate with it overshadows the reality that love didn’t cause it in the first place.

The chances of getting hurt due to “love” are enormous. Why? Because unfortunately, many people do not know what love really is.

When you get a taste of love, whether it be romantic or familial, you want to hold on to it. It produces an emotional high that often makes you desire to return actions that will yield more of what you like. But love is more than a feeling.

A friend of mine brought up a very interesting point about loving yourself. She stated that a person would not even be able to recognize love in another person until they were willing to handle their own issues. The person who can properly love you will be a mirror of love. They won’t be perfect, but will be pure and genuine. They will have the ability to significantly add to the quality, joy and transformation of your life, IF you allow them to. By them not being driven by chaos, negativity, and confusion, their presence alone forces you to confront your own demons and kick their ass. Unfortunately, that’s something that many people aren’t willing to do.

What Love Is

Love is being patient with the flaws of not just others, but of your own. Having patience does not mean that you will accept anything. It simply means that you’ve reached a level of maturity to know that anything worth having takes time and investment. It’s less about getting it right all of the time, and more about authentically being willing to say when you’ve got it wrong, and learn from it.

Love is honestly. Usually the closest people to us are our family and friends. We often have raw, honest and authentic conversations with them, and do not hesitate to let them know when we’re happy, sad, mad or glad. Do the same thing with yourself. Honestly look at your entire being, and be willing to discover things about YOU.

Love is trust. When you allow yourself to trust, well yourself, you have a certain level of peace that no one else can give you. You become more open and receptive to new experiences and people, and you allow yourself to decide and believe that you’re going to be okay regardless of disappointments. Trust is a key element in determining whether you’re ready to give and receive love.

Love is beautiful. It’s amazing when you have someone who genuinely cares enough to look out for you. What’s even more amazing is when you wish to return the favor. Love is an exchange where the currency never expires. It produces a level of joy that is so pure that you cannot help but to want more of it. If you work to keep love alive, then you’ll never run out of the desire to give and receive it.

What Love Isn’t

Here’s what love is not. Love is not pain. It isn’t a struggle. Love is not selfish. But when you deal with someone who is mentally and emotionally unstable, then it can seem like that’s what it is. But it’s important to remember that love doesn’t cause pain. People do. The reality is that you’ve simply become distracted with their negative issues “in the name of love.”

The distractions also prevent you from working on yourself, and for many it’s a comfortable position to be in. The relationship, albeit toxic, makes you feel needed. You know what you’re dealing with. It justifies your lack of commitment to self-improvement. But that type of “love” will be short-lived because there’s so much angst that comes with it. In the end, you’re paying too high of a price for a reward that feels more like responsibility.

Love isn’t easy. We are humans with our own thoughts, attitudes and emotions. We’re bound to bump heads, but the one who is committed to, and values the relationship will be successful.

The cycle of hurt ends with the start of taking control of your life and committing to a better you. Loving the wrong person for too long will have you doubting yourself, and whether or not you want love to begin with. But your issue isn’t with love, it’s with them. Pain from “love” is overrated and just plain inaccurate. So give yourself the peace that you deserve.

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