images (27)Dear Shan Tell’em,

I’ve heard a lot that when you’re not looking is when it will happen, you’ll find someone. But if a year or so of living life goes by and nothing happens then what? At the same time actively seeking a partner has been quite the train wreck for me, but even dating sites play into this whole idea that you have to act, make a move. What’s your take on seeking a relationship? Should you be proactively looking or should you not look?



Dear Single,

What a great question! I’m a firm believer in motivated destiny when it comes to everything that happens in life. I believe in fate, but without action towards a desired goal it isn’t as powerful.

Who you’re meant to be with will find you, but you can’t go through life just waiting for them to show up. With that being said, you cannot force it either. Does forcing equal going for it? Not at all. You just have to be willing to be resilient.

Often we discover our mates while doing the things that we enjoy the most. Instead of being discouraged, go out and participate in activities that you like. It increases your chances of meeting a like-minded individual and keeps you focused on other things besides the void that you may be feeling right now.  I also think that in order for us to receive romantic love, we must first come to appreciate the love that we already have. Love of self, family, friends, etc. There’s so much to be thankful for.

Consider how much you’re actually inviting love into your space. This cannot be measured by the number of dates you’ve gone on or how many times you say that you’re tired of being single. This may seem a bit strange but it’s kind of like a party that a friend of yours is throwing. You know that you can show up and things will be cool but there’s nothing like an official invitation. Say either out loud or via pen and paper, “I invite love into my life. I am deserving of it. I will walk live and act in the name of love, and patiently wait for it to come.” Then go on living your life. But only do this if your’e actually ready for love and not just attempting to fill a void.

Like all things, finding love requires balance but most importantly patience. You may very well have to go through several people to find your life partner, but if you give up simply because it isn’t happening on your time then you’re accepting a life of loneliness. You are well aware of what being alone feels like to you. Do not make the decision to stay that way due to a few lost causes.

Good luck and I wish you the best.

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