Dear Shan Tell’em,

You have a couple that has been together for quite some time. They will travel to the moon and back for each other so the love is not in question. One is a MAJOR flirt; the type that has never met a stranger. The other one is well aware of their lover’s flirtatious ways and is okay with it.

Now the flirt has met someone who they flirt hard with. To the significant  other’s knowledge, nothing has happened and it’s just for fun. My question is whether or not it is socially acceptable to flirt and be in a relationship? From the outside looking in, what is this person doing?


Flirting for Fun

Dear Flirting for Fun,

Let me first start by saying that I’m not a proponent of flirting. If I flirt with you that means that I find you to be sexually attractive and will most likely sleep with you. I must also state that I am in the minority. The truth is that people flirt all of the time for nothing more than an ego stroke. The way that you posed the question makes it a bit unclear whether you’re talking about your own relationship or someone else’s. I’ll assume that you’re the one involved in this scenario for the sake of this post.

You mentioned that everyone involved is well aware of their actions. You also mentioned that flirty behavior is generally accepted in your relationship. If that’s the case then why worry about whether or not flirting is socially acceptable?  While I believe that it is, it’s best to always respect the one that you’re with. If your actions are making your partner uncomfortable, then evaluate whether or not you should be behaving in such a way.

As for the above scenario,  it sounds like the partner who isn’t flirtatious feels threatened by their mate’s actions, particularly this new person who they’ve been “flirting hard” with. This could be for a number of reasons. The less flirtatious partner could actually have an issue with flirting. They may just go along with the behavior because their mate says that it’s “harmless.” Or their spidey senses could be working overtime. Flirting between these two may not be harmless. Sometimes, if you continue to flirt with the same person, and spend enough time with them,  you may get curious and wonder about more intimate activities.

Either way,  both parties should remain honest in terms of how they feel. If the less flirty partner has concerns they should be voiced. It’s the flirtatious partner’s obligation to adjust to the concerns of their mate. Since the relationship is already rooted in flirting,  change may be difficult.

In terms of what’s really going on,  I’m not sure. But I do know that it’s important to remember to always be upfront when it comes to what does and does not work for you in your relationship. You only cheat yourself if you do not.

Good luck and I wish you the best.

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