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It’s good to plan. Those that do not may enjoy a few moments of cheap thrills, but ultimately their lives end up being one big clusterf*ck. But some things you just shouldn’t plan. Like love. 

I see it all the time. “If I’m not married by 30, then I’m marrying my best friend.” They’re dead serious too. Some folks have planned the date, venue and wedding parties of their big event before even meeting their life partner. Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to daydream about your big day, but settling is just plan unacceptable. You may think that you’re making your desires a reality, but you’re actually placing a time limit on your love life.

What we must come to accept is the fact that timing is something that we can’t control. Unless your’e a scientist in a lab, chances are you never really controlled much of anything that has happened in your life outside of yourself. I’m willing to bet the farm that you definitely did not control who you fell in love with or when. But that’s what makes it amazing right? The serendipity of it all.

There was a news story of a 40-year-old woman who married herself. While the “union” isn’t legally recognized, the statement spoke volumes. Many saw her action as one of empowerment, but I saw it as pure defeat. The bride said that she vowed to marry herself by age 40, and since “she had never met the one,” she did. Here’s the thing, she’s still ALIVE. So how can she say “never?” It just hasn’t happened,YET.

Too often, we allow the timelines of other people to dictate our future. We look at our parents who got married around 19 or so. We look at our friends who are “getting married and popping out babies left and right.” Many of us are products of parents who never got married, and we don’t want to have that type of outcome for our love life. At the root of such “plans” is fear and control. We fear that it will NEVER happen, so we rationalize forcing it to.

But you’ll be miserable and unhappy. While the saying, “You should marry your best friend” is true, I’m not so sure they mean literally. Think about it, your best friend is your ride or die, but most of the time you don’t think about them romantically. Do you really want to have a sexless marriage? It will be more like having a roommate.

The main message of this post is to stop allowing others to dictate your future. We have to stop looking at outside forces for answers to how our lives should be. We give up too much control over our lives when we do that. If you’re 40 years old and single, so what? You have the rest of your life to find love. The last time that I checked, it was still legal to get married late in life. So please stop placing a time limit of your love life. Your heart will thank you for it.

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