images (20)I see it all the time. Folks who are “so in love” to the point that they cease to have an individual identity. Most of us have been guilty of neglecting ourselves, our hobbies and those close to us “in the name of love” at some point. But it couldn’t be more unhealthy. 

As wonderful as falling in love is, it can be detrimental if you do not maintain an individual identity while doing so. They say that two halves make a whole, but that’s only true when putting together pieces to a puzzle or chopping fruit. It is important that two people arrive in love as complete as possible with just a little bit of work to do on themselves.

Relationships take a lot of work, but it’s usually worth it when you have someone that is well…worth it. But it is important to know the difference between dedicating the right amount of time and effort to maintaining a fulfilling relationship and just plain obsession. If you’re unable to make any decisions, neglect your family and friends, neglect yourself and/or cease to do the things that enriched your life before you met your partner, you’re in danger of losing yourself in love. Arguably, you’re already lost.

Granted, we all go through an infatuation stage where it’s all about our beaus. It makes sense because a void that we’ve been waiting to fill is no longer empty. But you both should go on to resume regularly scheduled programming; i.e. going out with friends and family or to work out at the gym.

If you remain ALL about the relationship for too long, you risk causing damage, resentment and anguish to it and your mate. You also risk losing important friendships that you’ve created, along with parts of you that may have attracted your significant other in the first place. There’s something wonderful and sexy about autonomy. So let it thrive within reason.

Many times, people are so wrapped up in their relationship that they forget that each person has a life that extends well beyond just the two of them. When you find a mate, they should become a wonderful addition to an already complete life, not a person who is expected to become one’s life.  I’m notsaying that one must have it all together before dating. But you should be happy with and be secure enough in your identity to the point that you do not need another to define you. It’s good to have a mate who is always there for you, but not at your beck and call like a pet.


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