listWhenever we reach a milestone in life, we tend to reflect on where we’ve been, where we are currently and where we want to go. My friend came to visit me a few months before his 30th birthday. We talked about all that he’d achieved so far, and what he hoped to accomplish once he hit the big 3-0. He mentioned he wanted a better job, to travel more and be more explorative in life. We also discussed a certain bucket list that isn’t shared as often: The Sex Bucket List.

My friend’s list was just about complete except for the fact that he wanted to increase the number of partners he had sex with.

“I want to sleep with 30 women by the time I’m 30.”

He told me this with a serious face and I looked at him A) like he was crazy, and B) with a curious fascination. “Why?!” I exclaimed.

“It’s just something that I want to do,” he said matter-of-factly.

At that very moment, I realized that I didn’t have to understand why he felt the need to sleep with the same amount of women as his age. But our conversation did make me think about how all of us probably have certain things we’d like to experience in the bedroom.

Think about it. We all have a “list” of things we’d like to achieve sexually in our lifetime. Hell, we might not even be conscious of it, but it is there. No, it may not be an act as extreme as sleeping with four people at once in broad daylight. (If that’s your thing, no judgment here.) But there are definitely a few key things that many of us would like to experience. The problem is that we just don’t talk about it.

Sex is a topic that no matter how naturally innate it is, you’re told to keep private about it. Men and women may discuss it with their friends, but generally the practice is frowned upon in the public sphere. One of the few acceptable means of discussing sex without actually talking about it at all is with an “expert” of some sort or by looking up articles on the Internet.

Instead of listing a bunch of sexual activities that everyone should do before they die (like all of the other thousands of articles here on the Internet), I’d like to focus on helping you to create your very own Sex Bucket List. Sure, I could tell you to have sex in the middle of the Pacific Ocean during a cruise or get it on in front of an audience. Yes, I could tell you to engage in group sex or incorporate wickedly wild fantasies, like random sex in a bowling alley parking lot. But everyone’s sexual appetite is different, and we should explore it as long as no laws are violated and things are consensual.

1. Be Honest About Your Sexual Desires

Before you can even begin to execute the things on your Sex Bucket List, you must first figure out what it is that you want and why. By acknowledging that we are in fact sexual beings for the most part, the likelihood of finding the correct partners to satisfy us increases. And personally, I’d like us all to be satisfied in that department.

2. Assess How Far Out of Your Comfort Zone You’re Willing to Travel

For some, anything goes when it comes to sex. If you’re not the type to live on the edge, then it’s time to be realistic about what you will and will not do. Do not sign up to have sex with a complete stranger if you have issues with abandonment. It isn’t wise to propose a threesome to your partner if you’re possessive or jealous. Knowing what you will and will not stand for minimizes tension and further increases the chances of enjoying the encounter.

Read the rest at EBONY.

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