Ever since I turned 30, it seems like many of my peers (myself included) are hell-bent on settling down and finding “the one.” I’m not sure if it’s the fact that we’re getting older and our biological clocks are ticking, or if people are looking at others and basing their lives off of where they think they should be. What I do know is that I am surrounded by a number of people who are more than frustrated because they have not found their mate yet. In fact, some are downright angry.
I used to get angry too. For quite some time, I allowed my anxiousness and excitability to control my actions when looking for my life partner. Some are so upset at still being alone to the point where they’ve:
1. Demanded to know what someone who is interested in them wants immediately (like before you even have a first date)
2. Have constantly questioned their own worth and what they bring to a relationship
3. Made pacts with friends of the opposite sex to marry by the time they turned 35 if they’re still single
4. Created hashtags on social media with the year they are going to get married despite not even dating anyone/being engaged (ex: #M2017 = married by 2017)
5. Given up on dating completely until they move out of state and/or the country
The struggle is real.
I get it, and wouldn’t be telling the truth if I sat here and acted like I didn’t have to stop myself from committing some of the above actions on more than one occasion. But unless you’re among the small number of beings who was lucky enough to meet the love of your life at 12, you’re going to meet at least a few of following personality types when dating before you meet the one.
1. The Crazy One
If you’re still single and have yet to date the crazy type, get ready. They’re too good to be true because, well, it’s a lie. You mistake their fits of rage after finding a text from an associate as “caring.” At first, you’ll perceive their behavior as “a symptom of being in love” instead of the red flag that he/she is controlling and possibly covering up their own tracks.
Everyone has allowed their emotions to get the best of them at some point, but this person always does. You’ll find them staked out in front of your crib at three a.m. because you didn’t reply to their text messages right away. This is one of the few personality types that most won’t deal with for long. Insecure people like this will drive any sane person away fast, but these types usually prey on those with low self-esteem. Their insanity often turns into physical and mental abuse, a tool they use to manipulate and keep you at bay. Hopefully, you’ll be gone before I finish this sentence.
2. The Best Friend
You’ve been friends for quite some time, but are just now noticing that you’re attracted to each other. You know each other: from their favorite foods to that time he slept with his college roommate’s girlfriend. The friendship is too sacred for the relationship not to work, so you go for it. So what your friend cheated on everyone he/she has every dated?! With you it will be different.
But it isn’t. The best-friend breakup is particularly bad because you least expect it. This is someone who knows what you’ve been through and has been that shoulder to lean on during tough times. Now they’re the one causing you harm and you have no shoulder to lean on. Don’t get me wrong; I’ve seen a couple of successful relationships rooted in friendship. But some friends hook up out of desperation and convenience, so don’t take it personal if it doesn’t work out.
3. The Wild Card
With the wild card, you never know what you’re going to get. You’re intrigued by the “danger of it all.” You stick with them for the excitement, and the false belief that you can tame this wild and free soul. Most wild cards have commitment and stability issues, but we see their problems as “living on the edge” or “going with the flow.” Nevermind the clusterf*ck of an emotional roller coaster they put you through.
These individuals have a stream of short-term relationships that all end due to the “other person’s issues.” The wild card never takes responsibility for their own actions and will constantly try to manipulate you with passive-aggressive behavior when you call them out on their bull. Trust, this isn’t a ride at the amusement park that you’ll want to wait in line for.
Read the rest at EBONY.