“I’m not saying this to shake you up/I’m just saying this to wake you up/It’s all good when we’re making love/All I ask is don’t take our love for granted…”—Lil Wayne
On more than one occasion, I’ve been in relationships where I felt like I was being taken for granted. I was 100% committed to the union, but continued to accept a lackluster 50% commitment from my mate. There were countless times where I’d want my significant other’s love, support and affection, only to be greeted with a “We’re going to see each other later, so I don’t need to check on you during the day,” or a “You know corporate functions aren’t my thing, so I’m just gonna chill at the crib.”
Few emotions are worse than the feeling of being taken for granted. You pour your heart and soul into making a relationship work, endure sacrifices that sometimes include forsaking your own happiness for that of another, only to come up short on the receiving end.
Often we stay longer than necessary, in hopes of one day being able to look back on this period as one that we “got through together.” Hope is the main reason why we hold on to toxic relationships. It’s the one emotion greater than fear, and in my opinion, the most powerful emotion of all. But hope is not enough. Hope will not save your relationship; but realizing that you should never get too comfortable will.
Yes, your life partner should be someone who you can be your full and complete self with. Ideally, you have a relationship based on solid, raw, genuine communication and you accept each other for who you are and who you are becoming.
That is not the type of comfort I’m referring to.
Usually after a number of years (or sometimes months even), one or both parties get comfortable. The dinner dates stop. The surprise flowers sent “just because” are few and far between, if present at all. There aren’t any more “good morning” texts or phone calls to express that “I’m thinking about you.” The relationship goes from moments of elation to an all but dismissive routine. In some cases it feels like the one who tries to keep up with the initial practices and behaviors that brought you together in the first place is a nuisance.
Your “love” becomes more of an obligatory routine than a freely given practice that you look forward to. If you don’t hear from each other for the whole day, it’s no big deal. It’s as if you are living two separate lives, and see each other while you’re at home by default.
Read more at EBONY.