Dear Shan Tell’em,
I have been dating a guy for 10 years off and on. He has been abusive physically and emotionally, and I’ve tried to date other men but he ruins the relationship. What makes matters worse is that he is married with children and he has children with me.
When he is mad at me, he tells our children that he doesn’t care about them. I am constantly being called b**ches when he is the one that sleeps with multiple women. I want my sanity back and I want my life to be filled with love and greatness, but it seems like I can’t because of him.
He goes away sometimes, but comes back months later even though I don’t entertain a relationship with him. It’s World War 3 if I don’t have sex with him and he then calls me whores and accuses me of sleeping with every man in town. Please advise me as I’m drained and need to love again and be loved. I am focused on my children but at times I need that strong presence of a real man. Please help…
Crying for Help
Dear Crying for Help,
There is so much wrong with this situation and frankly, I had to read it several times before responding.
“ I want my sanity back and I want my life to be filled with love and greatness, but it seems like I can’t because of him.”
Here’s where you’re wrong. You are in control of your life, NOT him. He only has the power to wreak havoc on your existence because you’ve given it to him. You’re dealing with a master manipulator. He is selfish and wishes to control everything in his life, including you. This man sounds like he has a lot of demons to deal with, and is not a nice person. All of the signs point to run and I think that you’ve convinced yourself that you have attempted to distance yourself from him.
Let’s be real for a second. Have you really ended things with him? I’m asking because you’re still sleeping with him and allow him to interfere with your personal affairs. Often, we convince ourselves that we are doing “all that we can” to end a situation, but the reality is that we are only doing enough to say that we have. We do this because we are still attached to a degree, and part of us does not want things to end completely. I encourage you to honestly answer whether or not you’re doing this.
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