“Because I always have a choice, I choose love.” – Depak Chopra
Love is one of the few things that everyone indisputably desires. In fact, the ones who scream, “F*** love” want it the most (I have time to argue). They’ve just decided to allow their pain to serve as a compass for their hearts–hopefully just for the time being.
As a life coach, lately I’ve come across a number of people who claim to want healthy, authentic love, but go about obtaining it in the most fearful, unhealthy, and unproductive way. In order to get something that you want, you must put forth effort. I’m not talking about hopping on Plenty of Fish, or any of those other dating sites that are comparable to shopping online. I’m talking about the one thing people are afraid to be: vulnerable.
Most people think one of two things about love: A) that’s it’s easy and passionate all of the time, or B) that love is supposed to be painful, hard and accompanied by some sort of struggle. The truth is it is neither. It is COURAGE. Let me explain.
So back to these people I have personally encountered. Most of them crave to experience life with someone …so much to the point where their desires are a clear and evident void. Yet, they run into someone who naturally and effortlessly meets their declared requirements, only to allow fear to overpower them to the point of either A) finding a reason not to continue dating them, or B) straight up running because the situation is too intense. I know people who have and continue to practice both actions while simultaneously wondering why they’re still single.
When you truly decide that you wish to spend your life with someone, you sign up to go on a journey that includes more than yourself. You not only commit to someone, but you commit to their evolution, as we are destined to evolve over time. That idea is terribly frightening, but since most …well everyone wants love, they try to “dip” their toes into situations as opposed to claiming what and who they desire.
I don’t care how many options you keep around; you cannot fully experience love by attempting to cheat the game of hearts. Sure you can have company, a warm bed, a FWB, and/or someone to vibe with. But that healthy, committed love requires an amount of courage and vulnerability that few are willing to give, and entering a relationship with someone who is “safe” will only result in you coming up short in the end.
If a person scares you in a good way, you have genuine feelings for them, they treat you right, you click and am on the same page, it’s best to explore those emotions. Choose love. Otherwise, you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering, “What if?”
Shantell E. Jamison is a certified life coach, author and motivational speaker. Her latest book, “God Help Me: A Personal Guide to Freedom While Here on Earth,” is available now on Amazon.