“It is our choices …that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” J.K. Rowling

Everyone talks about how hard it is to find someone. “People aren’t sh*t” and no one is “good enough.” Married folks tell single folks that they have it made, and single folks look over in the yards of the married in a lonely gaze thinking that the grass is much greener than it is.

Who we choose for a mate during this journey called life is very important. Your significant other is a direct reflection of who you are, and if you have sh*t to lose like most of us, you do not take commitment lightly. But when people express frustration over not being able to meet people, it’s grossly inaccurate. The truth is we meet potential partners all of the time. Choosing is the hard part.

What many of us are hesitant to admit is that we have a small fear of being happy. The world is such a contradiction. We are told to believe that we can have whatever we wish, but also are reminded of how unfair life can be. So, in an effort to “prepare” for disappointment we either sabotage our chances at love by finding something wrong with a perfectly fine individual, or choose someone who we know that it isn’t going to work out with. When we do the latter, we subconsciously convince ourselves that we are doing everything in our power to obtain love. The reality is that deep down inside, we know it won’t work to begin with. We’ve just convinced ourselves that we “gave love a try.”

When you choose a mate, you should always consider how they make you feel. Do they make you feel alive? Do you feel like you can be your full and complete self with them? Do they inspire you to be a better person? Are you mentally, physically, and emotionally attracted to them? Can you BUILD with him or her? If the answer is yes to all of these things, then ask yourself, “Why am I saying no?”

By adopting a mindset of abundance, you will allow yourself to attract who and what you desire. You will not feel a void, because you wholeheartedly believe that the one who you’re meant to be with is on their way. You desire love, so why wouldn’t you get it eventually? Understanding just how much choice you have is key.




  1. I think dating, like everything else in life is about having the right mindset. I say that because instead of looking at it being hard to find the right someone, take that as a good thing, that you now know what you’re looking for and able to filter out a lot of people without even needing to get involve in a serious relationship to find out they not the one for you. Next, being in a relationship with the right person for the right reasons, can be a very beautiful thing. However, being in one for the wrong reasons like convenience being the top reason, can be a very bad and ugly thing….

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