Unless we’re locked away in a torture chamber, I think it’s safe to say that emotional pain and disappointment is the worse type of pain that we will ever endure in this lifetime. The feeling, especially when you allow yourself to be vulnerable, can be downright paralyzing. It’s as if you are never the same again once you experience emotional pain from someone who you’ve come to trust, respect and love. If the offense keeps happening, some people just shut down altogether.
When we experience emotional (and physical) pain from someone that we love, we’re bruised. We automatically go into protection mode, hiding behind the walls that we’ve constructed in the name of protecting ourselves. It makes sense, but in many ways is more damaging than allowing yourself to feel the pain, learn from it and trust yourself to make choices that are guided by your intuition.
Often, we’re so fixated on “never allowing someone to hurt” us again that we do not pay attention to the pain that we cause others. By focusing on simply protecting self, knowledge of when to let your guard down gets lost in the fold. Instead of looking at each person as their own person, we are skeptical of everyone. People must prove that they’re worthy instead of starting with a clean slate despite committing no real offense. Any hint of what was once experienced signals an immediate guard, where someone new ends up paying for the sins of the old being who hurt your soul.
Unless you free yourself, you’ll always be at the mercy of your offender. You’ll constantly stare down the barrel of an emotional gun that they have pointed at you, because you are allowing their actions to dictate your future. Your wall is a trigger, where they possess the ammunition and power to release bullets in the form of reminders of the pain. Someone could make a simple mistake but because it reminds you of the past, you’re ready to dismiss them or give them hell.
I’m all for self-preservation, but this isn’t a way to live. Keeping up a permanent wall where new souls need to literally knock down emotional bricks one-by-one to get to your heart is just unfair. It shows a lack of trust in your judgement and absolute power over your life held by the one who hurt you in the past. Develop a relationship with your intuition. Forgive yourself. Forgive your offender and free yourself from the bondage of unhappiness once and for all. Only then will you be able to proudly say, “Wounds, healed.”