You know what we are really great at? Making excuses for the piss poor treatment we receive by the ones we love. All of the signs that they do not value or respect us are there, yet we “hope” that things get better because we “love” them. 

But if we are being truly honest with ourselves, hope and love are just masks for what we do not wish to know about who and where we are in life. The truth is that we do not feel worthy of someone greater and we are honestly afraid to even be with the one who will not treat us like s*** or take us for granted.

In fact, I’d argue that part of us has become comfortable with being victimized and have completely absolved ourselves–or our mates for that matter–of responsibility in our choices.

No one wants to believe this about themselves …especially in a world that teaches us to be proud, successful and to always present ourselves as being the ish. But the honest God truth is that we all have insecurities and if we are not “waiting for the other shoe to drop,” we are dropping it ourselves. And in doing so, it helps with the process of “settling” for horribly abusive and incompatible mates.

After all, “It ain’t gonna get no better than this.” Plus, “When it is good it’s good,” right? But when was the last time it was “good?” Shouldn’t your lover be your peace and the good, correction great times outweigh the bad? Nothing or no one is perfect but by now, we should all know the difference between a rough patch and f*** s***. 🤷🏾‍♀️

The reality is that we must honestly believe that we wholeheartedly deserve what we want …and give to our lover. We must define and stick to what we need and desire in a mate. Otherwise, while you will undoubtedly encounter worthy people, you will continue to pass them up due to “love,” “hope,” meeting them at the “wrong time” or my favorite excuse, “history.”

Just sayin.’


  1. Nd sometimes we have allowed ourselves to become subject to our partner’s abuse that we forget who we once were and start to believe everything negative they say to us. Great post

  2. Great post, Shantell. There are many people out here just going through the motions because it’s easier than giving their heart to something real.

  3. I’m late to the party but this post resonated with me. I’ve finally decided enough was enough, realized I’m worth and deserve so much more than what I was receiving, fully aware that it was never going to get better, no matter how many times he spun it then I abruptly ended it with him after 3 1/2 years… Sweet 🙂 The hoping, wishing and waiting is overrated and knowingly coming out of yet another failed relationship some years later bitter and resentment wasn’t going to get repeated, ever! Been there and experienced that!

    When you know its over, wish ’em well, throw up the deuce and keep it moving. Emotions are fleeting so the hurt, sadness and yearning will dissipate at some point. Your intuition is there for a reason, always trust it. Your self respect and sanity depends on it.

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